Dear Leo... I'm Struggling

Dear Leo,

I’m struggling…

I’m struggling to parent you at this point in your life.

I’m struggling to answer your questions when you read the intriguing headlines of glossy magazines at the supermarket checkout.

I’m struggling with how much information about the world I should burden your growing mind with.

I’m struggling to keep my cool, when another football comes flying through the patio doors or you refuse to hear my requests when your eyes are focussed on a screen.

I don’t know if I’m doing everything right in the decisions I make raising you.

I’m not sure if I’m giving you the right advice when you tell me about your school friends who have been mean to you.

I’m not sure if you have a healthy balance between down time and physical activities.

I’m not sure if you have too many material things or too little of our time.

I’m struggling to be confident in every decision I make.

I’m struggling just as much as when you were a new born baby, changing those first nappies, attempting to swap them over before you weed in my face.

I struggled to be sure your milk was at the right temperature even after tipping it on my arm in a thousand different places to check.

I struggled with the sleepless nights, with bathing you and dressing you and as you grew I struggled to hold it together when you threw the biggest tantrum in the aisle of Boots.

The truth is I don’t know how to parent a nine-year-old, let alone a nine-year-old with so much soul, ambition and passion.

I’m more confident raising your sister and brothers, I’ve parented a four-year-old and a two-year-old before – you.

But with you I’m learning as I go, that’s how it’s always been and that’s how it always will be. 

So, bear with me mate, if I shout and you don’t deserve it.

Bear with me if I give you the wrong advice or I make the wrong decision.

Bear with me please?

Because even though I’m struggling, I promise to carry on until I’m the best parent you could possible wish for.

I promise that - for you - my oldest child, the one who taught me how to be a mum, I will struggle trying to be my best, for you.

 

I love you mate,

 

Love Mummy x x x