Sunday, 5 February 2017

Dear Beyonce... You're having twins!

Dear Beyoncé

Congratulations! It's lovely to hear you're pregnant with twins.... Eeekkk!

I have twins, twin boys who are nearly two and a half. I know what a fabulous but scary time this is for you, so I thought I would write and answer some of the questions you probably have. No need to thank me, your welcome!

So you are probably still feeling very sick, this is apparently due to the double dose of pregnancy hormones taking over your body. Do not worry babe, this will go once you have given birth. Just try to make sure you are close to a toilet over the next few months, you will be throwing up a lot. When you are on the school run, may I suggest taking a carrier bag with you. Sticking your head out of the car door to be sick outside the school gates attracts odd looks from parents who assume you are hungover. The best carrier bags to throw up in are Dorothy Perkin's ones, they hold a lot of vomit, do not use Tesco carrier bags, the sick will just run straight through.

Speaking of toilets, you might find that you need to empty your bladder a lot more than you did when you were pregnant with a singleton. Sometimes you wont make it to the toilet and sometimes you wont even know your having a wee in your pants. Honey, let me reassure you, there is no need to phone your mum in hysterics. You have not got the pelvic floor of a ninety-year-old and you will not need an operation to correct your incontinence, since giving birth I have regained full control of my bladder - Most of the time.

I don't think I have mentioned how much I love, love, love your pregnancy pics. You look gorgeous!
It's great that you have had them done now because in a couple of weeks time that cute baby bump will be gone and in its place will be a bump that resembles a small planet covered in roads and tracks. Your family, your friends and people who are complete strangers, in fact it will be mostly complete strangers, who feel the need to stop you in the street, to inform you how big your bump is, just in case you hadn't noticed. 'Wow, how many are in there?' will become a frequent question. I'm afraid that you just have to get used to been stopped and questioned. Once the twins arrive this will happen a lot. You will have loads of personal questions, 'How were they conceived?' Is my personal favourite.

You are probably going to feel a bit down in the dumps towards the end of your pregnancy. Your pregnancy will have been a looonnggg road. A singleton pregnancy is nine months but feels like a couple of years, a twin pregnancy feels like a decade. Once you do finally give birth you are going to feel like a bit of a celebrity. Twin birth rooms are huge, you will be helped to change, you will have your very own midwife and wont have to share them with ten other screaming women, like you did during your singleton labour, and they encourage the use of drugs pain relief. Once you are ready to push those babies out, there will be a team of twenty strong staring into your vagina, but don't worry once the babies have arrived safely and start to cry these people quickly disperse (this becomes a common theme during the early months)

You're probably not going to like the next bit, I know I didn't but I feel the need to warn you! You will of course be head over heels in love with you little, mini rappers, but you know that cute pregnancy bump that you wish you'd had when you were lugging around that small planet.... Surprise, you have it! You will look like your about seven months pregnant with a single baby. This will eventually go but please, please, please do not go out in public without your babies for the first couple of weeks. I can guarantee if you do  you will be asked when the baby is due, at least a handful of times. Team the tactless questions of strangers with post-pregnancy hormones and Jay Z will be in for a rough ride!

I am going to reassure you about leaving the house with twin babies. The first time is tough, you may be only popping to Aldi to do a quick shop, but you will feel like you are jetting off for a two week holiday thanks to the amount of 'luggage' you need to take with you. And although your first attempt to leave your house with the babies will take approximately six hours, do not despair, it now only takes me two hours to get everyone through the front door - I know, I'm good!!

One last thing....

I'm not sure if you drink? But you are going too!

Just a little word of advise, when people refer to wine-o-clock starting at seven, they are referring to 7pm not 7am. I have discovered 7am drinking when you are in charge of children is frowned upon!

Give me a call Be, we can meet up!

Lots of love,

Kerry x x x


  1. Oh dear, what a shame the grammar police can't see beyond your fantastic blog. Loving it! X

    1. Thank you so much for reading and your (the right your, I believe 🤗) lovely comment. X X X

  2. Love this my twins girls are 2 and half i cant wait for school /nursey must crack on pottty carzy times

  3. Haha love this so true I have 5.5 month old boy/girl twins u hit the nail on the head

    1. Thank you, hope your enjoying your babies it doesn't seem 2 minutes since mine were that age x X

  4. I got asked when Iam due while driving a double pram with tiny babies not hust once :P