Friday, 24 February 2017

Why 'Fat' is better...

Sausage sandwiches, topped with hash browns and tomato ketchup for breakfast; chips and beans or a Big Mac for lunch; Dinner? Whatever my mum had left in the oven for me - my late teens were far from healthy. Add in the copious amounts of alcopops that I would consume on a Friday night and I could have been considered for one of the channel four 'fat shows'.

But a fat show contestant I was not, I was a size fourteen, nineteen-year-old, call-centre worker. I was chubby, unhealthy, completely unaware and I think I was happy. It was when I turned twenty and surrounded myself with a new group of gym-going friends, that I looked at myself and saw my body the way society would have viewed it - okay, but plenty of room for improvement. So that's what I did, I 'improved' it. I adapted a healthy (ish)  lifestyle and before I reached twenty-one, my skinny arse was fitting comfortably into a pair of size ten, Bootcut jeans. I was far from happy with my new body though, I was throwing around the word fat more than I was smoking. I closely monitored everything I ate and would feel guilty if so much as a jelly bean passed my lips.

Over the years I would sometimes relax and put on a few pounds and then limit my calorie intake and do a bit of exercise to lose them again - which is what most of us do, right? In order to maintain a healthy balanced lifestyle, we have to adopt a nutritious diet and indulge our limbs in some sort of physical activity? Following this way of living kept my weight at just over nine stone, in fact after giving birth to the twins, limiting my calorie intake got me down to nine stone, which was fantastic!?? I had four children and a virtually flat stomach, I welcomed the comments and congratulations from people telling me how good I looked after carrying four babies. But I still wasn't happy with my body, I wasn't happy with the lifestyle I had to live in order to maintain the body I wasn't happy with, I barely had enough time to sleep so going to the gym was out of the question. I hated not joining in with weekend pizza nights; I missed out on fish and chips when we took trips to the seaside; and summer barbeques just weren't the same when eating a green salad - so I stopped. I stopped watching everything I put in my mouth and as a result I have put on a few pounds over the last several months, and although I am not happy with my weight as a whole - I never will be happy with my weight - I am happy to carry around a few extra pounds, and this is why:

These extra pounds are Sunday roasts at my mums house with my family, me and my sister laughing and eye rolling at my mum's unorganised attempt to dish out dinner for so many people.

They're movie nights with the kids, watching Home Alone with compulsory popcorn and big bowls of ice-cream and strawberry sauce.

They're an Indian take-away to go with  the laughs and story telling while sharing a bottle of wine with my best friends.

They're fish and chips by the sea, watching the twins dig for gold in the sand.

They're having a sneaky bite of Millie's candyfloss, while I hold it as she waves and giggles from the carousel.

They're taking the kids for pizza as a treat, to say we're proud of you!

These extra pounds represent my life, and I love it.

I am not suggesting everyone goes out and stuffs their faces until we are shipping in our clothes from West Virginia, but what I am saying is lets all be a little bit kinder to ourselves, eat the delicious food and embrace everything we do with our children, sweetshop visits and all. Life is just to short to cut out the things we enjoy. Yes we need to teach our children the importance of a balanced and healthy lifestyle, but that's the  keyword - balance. We need to show them how to enjoy life, with no hang ups about food, we need to free our little people from the food obsession that has taken over our generation.

So this weekend let's order the pizza, bake a cake and eat the sweets. Let's embrace the wonderful joy of sharing delicious meals with our family and friends, and if you do feel a tad guilty about your expanding waistline, just neck a bottle of wine to ease the guilt.

I think it was Kate Moss who said "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels"
I say "Kate, has obviously never had a chicken tikka Balti from Jalfrezi Express"

Sunday, 5 February 2017

Dear Beyonce... You're having twins!

Dear Beyoncé

Congratulations! It's lovely to hear you're pregnant with twins.... Eeekkk!

I have twins, twin boys who are nearly two and a half. I know what a fabulous but scary time this is for you, so I thought I would write and answer some of the questions you probably have. No need to thank me, your welcome!

So you are probably still feeling very sick, this is apparently due to the double dose of pregnancy hormones taking over your body. Do not worry babe, this will go once you have given birth. Just try to make sure you are close to a toilet over the next few months, you will be throwing up a lot. When you are on the school run, may I suggest taking a carrier bag with you. Sticking your head out of the car door to be sick outside the school gates attracts odd looks from parents who assume you are hungover. The best carrier bags to throw up in are Dorothy Perkin's ones, they hold a lot of vomit, do not use Tesco carrier bags, the sick will just run straight through.

Speaking of toilets, you might find that you need to empty your bladder a lot more than you did when you were pregnant with a singleton. Sometimes you wont make it to the toilet and sometimes you wont even know your having a wee in your pants. Honey, let me reassure you, there is no need to phone your mum in hysterics. You have not got the pelvic floor of a ninety-year-old and you will not need an operation to correct your incontinence, since giving birth I have regained full control of my bladder - Most of the time.

I don't think I have mentioned how much I love, love, love your pregnancy pics. You look gorgeous!
It's great that you have had them done now because in a couple of weeks time that cute baby bump will be gone and in its place will be a bump that resembles a small planet covered in roads and tracks. Your family, your friends and people who are complete strangers, in fact it will be mostly complete strangers, who feel the need to stop you in the street, to inform you how big your bump is, just in case you hadn't noticed. 'Wow, how many are in there?' will become a frequent question. I'm afraid that you just have to get used to been stopped and questioned. Once the twins arrive this will happen a lot. You will have loads of personal questions, 'How were they conceived?' Is my personal favourite.

You are probably going to feel a bit down in the dumps towards the end of your pregnancy. Your pregnancy will have been a looonnggg road. A singleton pregnancy is nine months but feels like a couple of years, a twin pregnancy feels like a decade. Once you do finally give birth you are going to feel like a bit of a celebrity. Twin birth rooms are huge, you will be helped to change, you will have your very own midwife and wont have to share them with ten other screaming women, like you did during your singleton labour, and they encourage the use of drugs pain relief. Once you are ready to push those babies out, there will be a team of twenty strong staring into your vagina, but don't worry once the babies have arrived safely and start to cry these people quickly disperse (this becomes a common theme during the early months)

You're probably not going to like the next bit, I know I didn't but I feel the need to warn you! You will of course be head over heels in love with you little, mini rappers, but you know that cute pregnancy bump that you wish you'd had when you were lugging around that small planet.... Surprise, you have it! You will look like your about seven months pregnant with a single baby. This will eventually go but please, please, please do not go out in public without your babies for the first couple of weeks. I can guarantee if you do  you will be asked when the baby is due, at least a handful of times. Team the tactless questions of strangers with post-pregnancy hormones and Jay Z will be in for a rough ride!

I am going to reassure you about leaving the house with twin babies. The first time is tough, you may be only popping to Aldi to do a quick shop, but you will feel like you are jetting off for a two week holiday thanks to the amount of 'luggage' you need to take with you. And although your first attempt to leave your house with the babies will take approximately six hours, do not despair, it now only takes me two hours to get everyone through the front door - I know, I'm good!!

One last thing....

I'm not sure if you drink? But you are going too!

Just a little word of advise, when people refer to wine-o-clock starting at seven, they are referring to 7pm not 7am. I have discovered 7am drinking when you are in charge of children is frowned upon!

Give me a call Be, we can meet up!

Lots of love,

Kerry x x x