Monday, 28 November 2016

Rather you than me | A letter to the lady in Sainsbury's

To the lady in Sainsbury's

'Rather you than me!'

They were your exact words as you shook your head in annoyance when one of my two-year-old twins climbed onto the shelf in front of you to get a better look at the cuddly Santa.

'Rather you than me!'

You declared as you watched my little boy announce to the store 'my Santa'. You stood staring at him for a few seconds giving you plenty of time to form your opinion about his questionable behaviour.

'Rather you than me!'

Your words when you saw me running towards him with sheer panic etched onto my face because I had actually lost site of him when I made the decision to chase his twin brother who was heading for the exit.

'Rather you than me!'

Your words rang in my ears as I attempted to hide my anger at my own stupidity - I had  given up looking for a double trolley and convinced myself that my boisterous two year olds would walk around the store like sensible adults.

'Rather you than me!'

Your judgemental tone multiplied the effects that tiredness was taking on me. Tiredness due to the relentless nature of motherhood, sleepless nights, university lectures, money managing, after-school clubs, washing, cleaning, homework, the list is endless.

'Rather you than me!'

The words that on Friday evening, had me questioning my ability to parent my children, my ability to 'control' them in public, my ability to keep them safe.

'Rather you than me!'

A phrase that rattled around my head for hours following our brief meeting. A phrase that told me that my twin boys, my life as a parent of twins, was so awful in your mind that you had to let me know about it.

'Rather you than me!'

I agree

'Rather me than you'

I would rather have a hundred disastrous supermarket visits than miss out on a second filled with double hugs and kisses.

I would rather chase them - giggling - around a thousand stores than have never experienced that single, life changing, magical moment that changed us forever. The moment we discovered there was two of them.

I would rather spend the rest of my days questioning my ability to parent than miss a minute witnessing their inseparable bond.

I would rather die than miss out on being the mother of my two perfect, mischievous, loving twin boys.

And I do believe my children also agree, they would rather have me than you too!

Best wishes

The crazy lady with naughty twins who looked like she was about to cry.

Wednesday, 23 November 2016

Dear Leo....Im sorry

Dear Leo,

This morning you woke to the squeals and shouts of your little twin brothers. Your sleepy eyes greeted them with a smile, a laugh and an offer to play.

I told you to 'stop playing and hurry and get dressed.'

At breakfast you entertained Millie, Max and Bobby with your contagious laugh and the warmth of your heart.

I told you 'to hurry and eat'

During the shortness of our morning together you managed to tell a story; sing Millie's favourite songs; had your brothers and sister screaming with excitement and belly laughing on the floor.

I filled the washing machine and told you 'to calm down and put on your shoes'

Your boisterous playfulness followed you to the car and undeterred you played with the radio to find Christmas songs and asked a thousand questions.

I asked you to 'stop' I  asked you to 'ssshhh'

This evening after getting home from Millie's dance class you turned your bed into a pirate ship. You, Millie, Max and Bobby fought off the sharks and walked the plank.

I told you 'to hurry and have a shower'

You sat and listened to the little ones bed time stories and then asked if you could read them an extra one.

I said 'yes but hurry'

Tonight when the day was nearly over and there was nothing left to hurry for I tucked you into bed, your head older and wiser than eight years, rested on my shoulder, your eyes hazy and your smile sleepy. My beautiful little boy I should say 'Thank you' not 'stop' not 'hurry' and not 'ssshhh'

Thank you for the adventures that you take the little minds on. Thank you for the songs, the joy, the smiles and the knowledge that you provide. Thank you for being the reason that there is so much uncontrollable laughter in our home. Thank you for the magic that you bring to all our lives.

Tomorrow you can sing as much as you want. Laugh as loud as possible and play as hard as you can.

I promise not to hurry you, I promise not to shush you, I promise to join in and play.

I'm sorry for saying 'sssshhhh'

I love you mate.

Love Mummy x x x