Thursday, 13 October 2016

'Mature Student Mummy'- My first month.

I have nearly completed my first month at university and I am ecstatic to report that every fear, misconception, niggle and passing thought of anticipated failure were completely unnecessary.

As a mature student and not just a mature student but a 'mature mummy student' (Woohoo I'm sort of juggling life) embarking on an English and Creative writing degree, I was flooded with uneasiness at the start of my course. I started to have crippling doubts about my decision to leave my Job and return to education; every decision I have made since having the twins has been slightly 'cuckoo'. I would haunt myself with thoughts that every lecturer was going to be a carbon copy of either my year 10 physics teacher or the demon headmaster (unsure which is the lesser evil) I was petrified that I would lose the ability to write, or what I did write would be complete crap! I was convinced everyone would be using words I didn't understand, or they had made a mistake and I should never of got onto the course in the first place.

My first day at uni photo

My biggest fear and the one that could have seen me running for the hills on numerous occasions, was the fear of not fitting in, the fear of being too 'old', the fear of being the only 'old' one. Imagining the 'cool' ones teasing me about my appearance just like when I was back at school. (Although I was always quite fond of my poodle permed fringe and collection of clothing that advertised class b's! I thought I was quite 'edgy')
Thankfully and probably obviously I have found none of the above to be legitimate fears. The lecturers are amazing they aid and encourage everyone's creativity; they are normal people without a hint of the demon headmaster insight. I am pleased to learn that I do understand the English language, reassuring seen as I have being speaking it for the last 34 years and I am not the only 'old' one; there are quite a few of us all on different journeys with the same end goal in sight. The younger ones, I actually don't even notice the age difference, I'm not sure if that says more about their maturity or my lack of it.

I am not just happy with the course I am doing, I am completely and utterly head over heels in love with it, even the poetry module that at the beginning of term disturbed me more than the remake of 'the hills have eyes'. I now get pathetically excited on a Tuesday morning hoping I don't seem to 'geeky' as I raise my hand eager to read to the class.

The last month has also seen me adapt first name terms with the postman; after ordering a small library of books at the beginning of term, they have begun to arrive sporadically. Having a knock at the door every few days feels like Santa delivering a little piece of Christmas. (Not actually read all of them yet but my bookshelf is starting to look really intelligent)

Then there is the kids! They have been little rock stars over the last month and juggling them and uni up until now has been far easier than when I was at work. What's helped is I have decided to lower my standards (they have actually plummeted to the deep dark depths of hell). The kids are beside themselves with excitement; takeaway has now become one of  our main food groups and their toys are allowed to camp out on the living room floor overnight.

Well I do need to prepare myself for the lack of available time when assignment deadlines start fast approaching, that's my excuse anyway!! I know I'm only in the first month and things are definitely going to get a lot tougher and faster paced but I am so thankful that the opportunity to return to study at some level is available to practically everyone in this country. My advice to anyone thinking about returning to do their GGSEs, an access course or a degree would be to do it. Its the best decision I have ever made!

Here's hoping the next few months are as pizza filled, lecture loving and as untidy as the first!

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